I've come to a couple of conclusions recently. I cannot control the effects of fate. I can attempt to lessen them in appropriate circumstances. So, I need to swallow my fears until they are necessary to be known and I will have to learn how to deal with them. 'Nother thing to start bottling up.
I also need to allow my fears to be known to those who need to know. I am in two situations: one where I am caring to much about someone very dear to me and a potentially dangerous situation which is upcoming in the near future and the other is a more difficult one which I tried to address in my last post.
I don't know what to do about that one. I believe that the guy knows how I feel, he can read me like a book and we can have entire conversations finishing each others sentences. We haven't seen each other in 7 months and in that time his girlfriend has broken up with him and he turned to me for support. He knows how I feel about him, but I have put my feelings aside for the last 5 months to let him get over her. I don't know if this has ever happened. Things began to escalate during Thanksgiving long weekend. We tried to date long distance, but an old conflict came up and we had to put it off or risk losing our friendship. He started talking about his Ex two weeks later, claiming that he truly loved her. This broke my heart. I waited so long for him to be over her. I don' t know what to do now that I don't know where we stand. We still talk almost daily, even if we are simply hanging out on MSN and not saying much. I am having trouble not taking him back immediately, even though I really want to. I think that we need to talk about the conflicts which caused our split in the first place. I don't know if this is going to help at all, or if it will cause the final split between us. I hope it doesn't I have the feeling that I would be completely lost without my 'second half'. But back to fear, I am going to have to swallow this fear too until December 19th. He come home not long before that and I need to be able to deal with this and not fly off the handle at him. I know he deserves it, but I am protecting him from me and not allowing my fury to influence me too much.
Time for contemplation and reinforcing a few mental walls.